Code of Conduct
I was introduced to these 10 "I Will" statements by my leather community in the "Venture" leather education program although they have a history going back much further. These courses are designed to teach ethical leadership, consent, and best practices within kink and leather spaces. The code serves as a community-agreed framework for behavior, emphasizing respect, accountability, integrity, and the safe exercise of power.
I have adopted these principles not simply as formal rules but as living guidelines that shape how I approach every scene, interaction, and relationship. They reflect the values of the leather community while being interpreted through my own experiences, philosophy, and commitment to safe, ethical, and intentional kink practice.
#1: I will always remember I am first and foremost a dignified and courteous individual.
#2: I will always treat others as they would like to be treated.
#3: I will always treat others with the respect due every person.
#4: I will always respect the experience of those who have walked this path before me.
#5: I will always withhold my opinion until I am fully confident of the facts in my possession.
#6: I will always take responsibility for my actions and accept the consequences as such.
#7: I will always ensure that my honor and integrity are in good repair.
#8: I will always accept my power from a place of humbleness.
#9: I will always remember that I do not set the example, I AM the example.
#10: I will always keep sacred the privacy and experiences of others.
What these means to me
#1: I will always remember I am first and foremost a dignified and courteous individual.
Dignity and courtesy are the bedrock of all my interactions, whether in a scene, in teaching, or within the kink and leather community. To me, being dignified means more than presenting oneself with composure or decorum. It is a recognition of the humanity in every person I meet. Courtesy is not just polite speech. It is the intentional practice of holding others in respect, acknowledging their vulnerabilities, desires, and boundaries without judgment or assumption.
When someone approaches me for a scene, they bring with them trust, curiosity, and hopefully a willingness to be vulnerable. My responsibility is to honor that trust fully. This means creating a space where they can express their desires freely, knowing they will be met with attention, care, and thoughtful presence. It also means I will never belittle, shame, or make assumptions based on their knowledge, experience, or the way they articulate their needs.
Dignity and courtesy also inform my interactions with the broader community. They guide how I mentor, how I receive instruction, and how I engage in discussions with those whose experience differs from mine. Being dignified and courteous ensures that respect is consistent, even in moments of disagreement, and that my behavior never diminishes others for their differences.
Finally, this principle underpins every other rule I follow. I cannot be courteous without exercising power responsibly. I cannot be dignified without maintain integrity. By committing to this rule, I commit to a mindset and a practice that honors trust, fosters connection, and preserves the safety and well-being of everyone I engage with. It is the foundation upon which all ethical and meaningful kink interactions are built.
#2: I will always treat others as they would like to be treated.
Every individual has their own desires, boundaries, and ways of being in a scene or relationship. This rule reminds me that my preferences and inclinations are not a guide for others. Instead, I must listen carefully and engage in thoughtful negotiation to understand what each person truly wants. Treating others as they wish means honoring their consent, their role, and their expectations without imposing my assumptions or projecting my desires onto them. It creates a space where participants can explore, express, and experience themselves fully while trusting that I will respond with attention, care, and integrity. Respecting their choices in this way ensures that the connection we build is both safe and meaningful.
#3: I will always treat others with the respect due every person.
Respect is the foundation of trust and ethical interaction, whether in a scene, a workshop, or community engagement. This rule reminds me that every person has inherent value and deserves to be treated with care, attention, and fairness. Respect is not conditional on experience, knowledge, or the role someone occupies. It means acknowledging the humanity of everyone I encounter, listening without judgment, and engaging thoughtfully with their needs, desires, and boundaries. By practicing respect consistently, I create a safe and supportive environment where participants feel recognized and validated, even in moments of disagreement or challenge. Respect ensures that trust is maintained and that interactions remain ethical, intentional, and meaningful.
#4: I will always respect the experience of those who have walked this path before me.
Experience brings knowledge, perspective, and insight, but it is not absolute authority. This rule reminds me to listen carefully to those who have traveled the path before me, valuing the lessons they offer while maintaining my own thoughtful judgment. I recognize that experience is shaped by its time, and some practices reflect periods before broader social awareness, whether civil rights or evolving understandings of consent and inclusion. I don't care if "It's always been done this way," if it has always been done wrong. Respecting experience means honoring the perspectives of those who came before while critically evaluating their practices through my own lens and upholding my own responsibility for ethical action. By engaging with the wisdom of others thoughtfully, I deepen my understanding, refine my practice, and contribute to a community grounded in knowledge, trust, and care.
#5: I will always withhold my opinion until I am fully confident of the facts in my possession.
Judgment carries weight and can have lasting consequences. This rule reminds me to commit to withholding my opinion until I have gathered the full context and considered all relevant perspectives. Premature conclusions can harm trust, relationships, and the safety of those involved. I recognize that people perceive the same event in different ways, and that what one person calls a fact may be interpreted differently by another. I do not participate in gossip, speculation, or repeating unverified accounts, because spreading assumptions can damage reputations and trust. By pausing, listening, and reflecting, I ensure that my actions and decisions are informed, fair, and ethical. This approach allows me to respond thoughtfully, act responsibly, and maintain integrity in every interaction, creating a space where trust, understanding, and intentionality guide all that I do.
#6: I will always take responsibility for my actions and accept the consequences as such.
Accountability is a cornerstone of integrity. I own my choices and their outcomes, acknowledging both successes and failures. When a scene or interaction causes discomfort or harm, I take responsibility for what I can repair and accept the consequences of what I cannot. Each experience becomes an opportunity for growth, learning, and refinement of practice. Accountability is not only about acknowledging mistakes, but also about acting to restore trust, improve future interactions, and demonstrate care for the well-being of others.
#7: I will always ensure that my honor and integrity are in good repair.
Honor and integrity are reflected in the consistency between intention and action. They are observed in how others perceive and experience me. If I cause harm, I work to repair it; if I uphold trust, I maintain credibility. Maintaining integrity requires constant attention to behavior, transparency, and ethical practice. It means ensuring that my actions in scenes, mentoring, and community engagement reflect the principles I value. By nurturing honor and integrity, I build trust, protect relationships, and create a foundation of ethical practice that guides every decision.
#8: I will always accept my power from a place of humbleness.
Power in kink is granted voluntarily and can be revoked at any time. I accept this power with humility, recognizing that it exists only because others allow it. I exercise influence responsibly, always aware of my limitations and fallibility. Every expression of authority is an opportunity to serve those who have entrusted me with influence over them. True power requires attentiveness, care, and constant reflection on the impact of my actions. It ensures that leadership is ethical, consent-driven, and grounded in respect.
#9: I will always remember that I do not set the example, I AM the example.
Words are meaningless without action. How I behave in scene, mentorship, and community interactions define the example I embody. My intentions matter only when enacted through thoughtful and ethical behavior. Every choice, action, and interaction demonstrates my values and sets the tone for those around me. By being the example, I hold myself to a standard of integrity, responsibility, and respect, ensuring that my presence reflects the principles I advocate.
#10: I will always keep sacred the privacy and experiences of others.
Trust is the foundation of kink and leather practice. What happens in a scene or interaction remains with the participants. I do not gossip, shame, or reveal personal details without consent. Protecting the privacy and experiences of others is essential to maintaining emotional and physical safety. By upholding discretion, I create a secure space where participants can explore freely, express their desires fully, and trust that their vulnerabilities are respected. Discretion is inseparable from integrity and consent, forming a vital part of ethical practice.
All this I believe.
Thor